Desperate Times call for Desperate Condiments

The money. There was no money.

That meant no food.

"I'm sorry," creaked the old man-woman-thing. "But I can't just give away free sandwiches!"

Maximus threw a dramatic hand to his brow, opening his mouth to spout off some words of self-pity, but instead his hand wacked Estabon square in the face, making him fall, and thus resulting in Maximus falling as well.

Pedro, Wagon, and the man-woman-thing all stared at the pitiful heap of limbs and such that lay on the ground. Pedro turned to the man-woman-thing.

"So... no food?"

It shook its head. "No, I'm sorry."

Without warning, Pedro knocked the man-woman-thing out cold with a sudden blow from his shield.

Wagon had to do a double take.

"Wha-- did you just knock that lady... man... thing... out cold???"

Pedro beamed with pride. "Now we get sandwiches!!!"

Estabon was standing now, holding a hand to his head where he had been so rudely smacked, when Maximus pulled himself upright by pulling Estabon back down.

"You mean, we won't STARVE!!!???" Maximus looked like a girl who had just been proposed to by the man of her dreams.

Wagon helped Estabon upright again. Estabon smiled dazed-like. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush..."

Pedro nodded gravely. "Agreed, Estabon." His frown turned upside-down. "LET'S EAT!!!!!!"

In the sandwich store, there was more ham and turkey and bread than any of the four imagined existed in the world. They dived on the food, eating with scant regard for manors or words, including even Maximus. They had been devouring the food for quite some time when Wagon stood up, a jar in his hands. The other three halted in their trenching to look too.

"Is that..." Pedro pointed at the jar.

"Mustard." Wagon said.

Suddenly, all of them began to feel the ham and turkey and bread alone was much too bland. They felt the need for condiments. All eyes fell onto the jar hungrily.

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend..." Estabon muttered.

It was like a signal. EVERYONE dived for the jar. Wagon almost immediately had it slip from his grasp and into the air. Eight hands knocked it off its upright course, and it ended up smashing on the back wall.

They all stared as the yellow substance dripped down the wall. Maximus turned to Wagon, about to place the blame, when there was an ominous rumbled.
The wall on which the mustard had smashed began to open apart. Four pairs of eyes widened beyond saucer-size.

In the hidden room was rows and rows of mustard, ketchup, mayo, relish, every type of condiment there was. Oh yeah, and behind that was over millions of pounds of gold that the now unconscious man-woman-thing had been saving.

But the four dived on the condiments, on a sacred and frantic mission to unblandify their food.